DEC 2010 EDIT: The contents of this piece have been removed.
SEP 2013 EDIT: I rewrote the opening scene, but nothing else has changed. I feel it's a lot better now, though maybe not quite where I'd like it to be. But whatever. Time to move on. Let me know what you think. Is it an improvement? Or not so much? Also, I'll probably take this down in a few weeks. I will definitely have more to beta read soon, so note me if you're interested.
Ta-da! I actually wrote this a while back, but I'm a perfectionist and haven't been able to stop editing it--until now. But it's still a first draft, so I'm not so much concerned with the writing quality as I am with the emotional arc of the story, clarity, pacing, etc. Please let me know what you think and if you have any concerns or suggestions!
My main concern: I'm never sure if I describe things enough. I personally don't like a lot of description, but I fear I may not use enough to generally orient readers. What are your thoughts? Did you get good mental pictures while reading this, or do I need to elaborate on certain things?
Also, I will be needed beta readers/accountability partners/people to poke me with pointy objects to keep my writing as I endeavor to write the entirety of this novel. Let me know if you like it so far and would be interested in reading more. I probably won't put any more here on dA, so I'll have to figure out some alternate means of distribution to beta readers.
Sidenote: I would consider this to be an extremely soft sci-fi, but it's definitely NOT a dystopia.