Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

:iconilluminara: More from illuminara

Featured in Collections

Writing Tips by Nosephire

Writing Tutorials by 26blackandwhite

Writing by ThatLambOverThere

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
June 20, 2013
File Size
19.9 KB


1,957 (1 today)
163 (who?)

While I’ve written articles about writing style in the past, they were designed mostly to define what style is and didn’t provide much help for improvement. This article contains some practical tips I’ve discovered that will actually help you improve your style and hopefully provide a foundation for why good style matters. I believe good style is important for many reasons, but mostly because I want my readers to feel like the time they spent with my story was worthwhile, pleasant, and maybe even a little enlightening.

“All readers come to fiction as willing accomplices to your lies. Such is the basic goodwill contract made the moment we pick up a work of fiction.” – Steve Almond 

“Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.” – Kurt Vonnegut 

1) Be clear. 

“To be clear is the first duty of a writer; to charm and to please are graces to be acquired later.” – Brander Matthews 

In order to clearly convey an idea to your reader, you have to first work out a few things. A) What are you trying to say? And what story are you trying to tell? If you don’t know, you’ll never be able to capture it clearly in words. B) What words will most clearly and concisely impart your meaning?

I will pose that it is better to use a few well-chosen and potentially blunt words to say exactly what you mean than it is to use an abundance of fluffy, highfalutin words while sacrificing clarity. After all, writing is about communicating an idea, isn’t it? Clarity is a mark of good communication.

2) Condense.

“Words are like sunbeams. The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.” – Ernest Hemingway

Don’t say more than you need to say, and don’t say in three sentences or three paragraphs what you can say in one. Your readers’ time is valuable; don’t waste it. On the flip side, if your story takes time to tell, take the time to tell it. Don’t rush when you shouldn’t rush. But don’t meander when you should keep a steady clip.

This is also known as pacing, and pacing encompasses more than just what words you use in a sentence. It also encompasses story structure, but in the context of style, try to use as few words as possible to get your true meaning across. Use the right words, and condensation should become natural.

3) Use vibrant language.

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.” – Mark Twain

If your goal is to write as clearly as possible with as few words as possible, you will more than likely have already developed a taste for using vibrant words. It’s a natural progression. But more than that, vibrant language is what brings a story to life—not just with the words you use but also the phrases and metaphors and how you string it all together. 

This is the basic definition of style: How you use words and language to tell a written story. Good style is the use of vibrant words and phrasing in a way that moves up and down with its own sort of beat. This rhythm becomes the heartbeat of your story and brings it to life. If your words and beat are dull, it will come across as boring and lifeless. 

Dull language: The last time I tried to talk to her about my problems, she started cursing very loudly in a public place and said some really awful things about Nikki. - The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick

Vibrant language: When I last attempted to consult her about my problems, she began cursing violently inside a Starbucks and bashed Nikki’s good name against the wall. We got kicked out.

See the difference?

Side note 1: Don’t write in short, choppy sentences for any extended length of time. By “extended length of time,” I mean more than one sentence. They pack a powerful punch and should only be used when you want your words to produce that effect. Using lots of them as your “style” really knocks the wind out of readers, and a heartbeat that quick isn’t healthy for your story.

Side note 2: I think it goes without saying at this point that you should not use cliché phrases. If you find yourself using them, please stop and take the time to word them more originally and more vibrantly.

4) Keep adjectives and adverbs scarce.

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” – Stephen King

In keeping with the use of vibrant language, I will say something that may be considered a little “out there” to people like Mr. King: You should use adjectives and adverbs to flavor your story. They should be zesty and spicy and legitimately add taste you can’t produce any other way.

Basically, don’t use adjectives and adverbs if there are other words to say what you want to say. They were never designed to be the meat of your writing. For proof, here are their definitions from the Oxford Dictionary:

Adjective - a word or phrase naming an attribute, added to or grammatically related to a noun to modify or describe it.

In other words, if you have to add to a noun by using an adjective, there’s probably a better noun out there that you should be using.

Adverb - a word or phrase that modifies or qualifies an adjective or verb.

Basically an adjective for verbs. If you find yourself using one, again, try to find a better verb and avoid the modifier altogether.

If you use vibrant language, you will most likely use verbs and nouns that don’t need added to or modified to begin with. However, there are some nouns and verbs in the English language that are just plain boring, and there’s no way to get around it. In such cases, spicing them up with a modifier is a good idea and will actually bring vibrancy to your writing.

Bland adjective use: The air was very hot.

Zesty adjective use use: The air was scorching. 

Even better: The air scorched her lungs. 

5) Keep your story in the active voice. Or don’t?

“Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” – Anton Chekhov

There’s a lot of confusion out there about using the “active voice” versus the “passive voice,” and I don’t think a lot of people really understand what they’re talking about or why using the active voice is considered “better.”

I’ll let you in on a little-know secret: Using the active voice brings the subject of your sentence, which is usually your character, into focus. Stories are about characters, so naturally you should construct your sentences in a way that keeps them in the limelight.

But what about when you’re writing a section that is not focused on the character? Then should you still use the active voice? No, not necessarily. Using the passive voice to put the subject of your sentence in the background is a powerful tool, much like the focus of a camera in filmmaking. It tells your audience what is important and on what they should be focusing.

HOWEVER. If you don’t know how to use the active and passive voices to properly creative this effect, you’re most likely misusing it, and a lot of your story may be out of focus.

Now for a quick English lesson.

Voice indicates whether the subject of your sentence is acting or being acted upon.

Active voice indicates that the subject of the verb is doing something.

Example: He mowed the lawn.

Passive voice indicates that the subject of the verb is being acted upon by an “off camera” force and uses a “to be” verb.

Example: The lawn was mowed.

Here’s a list of common to be verbs for reference: be, am, is, are, was, were, been, has, have, and had.

Do you see how this can be a powerful tool to bring characters info focus or push them into the background of invisibility? 

When people say to “use the active voice,” what they’re really trying to say is to “keep your character the focus of your writing.” And they’re absolutely right—when you want your character to be the focus. When you don’t, skillfully using the passive voice to pull the focus away from them is not only a good idea but also a little brilliant. But you have to know what you’re doing.

As a general rule, use the active voice whenever you want the subject of your sentence to be in focus, which should be most of the time. When you want the subject to be hidden or mysterious, use the passive voice. 

I’ve got a couple of examples. The first is a badly written bit of passive voice with verbs underlined for emphasis:

The fat men are outside of the tent with Scott, and they are yelling at someone hidden by their collective girth. A huge school bus is painted green—it’s running, and the driver is inching toward our tent. On the hood of the bus is a portrait of Brian Dawkin’s bust, and the likeness is incredible. … This early in the afternoon, the parking spaces are plentiful, so I wonder what the argument is about. - The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick

Kinda boring, right? To be verbs are some of the blandest and most boring verbs in the English language, so using the active voice will force you stop using them and to instead use more interesting verbs, which is basically guaranteed to liven up your writing.

Here’s the same paragraph converted into the active tense:

Two fat men stand outside the tent with Scott and yell at someone hidden by their collective girth. A huge green school bus—still running—inches toward our tent, and its hood displays a portrait of Brain Dawkin with disturbing likeness. This early in the afternoon, parking spaces abound, so I wonder what they’re arguing about.

See the shift? While this doesn't put the character himself into any greater focus, it does put the focus onto the sentences’ subjects and create a somewhat more vibrant paragraph with a little more rhythm to it.

Now for an example of well-composed passive voice:

The only completely stationary object in the room was an enormous couch on which two young woman were buoyed up as though upon an anchored balloon. They were both in white, and their dresses were rippling and fluttering as if they had just been blown back in after a short flight around the house. I must have stood there for a few moments listening to the whip and snap of the curtains and the groan of a picture on the wall. Then there was a boom as Tom Buchanan shut the rear windows and the caught wind died out about the room, and the curtains and the rugs and the two young women ballooned slowly to the floor. The Great Gatsby by F. Scoot Fitzgerald

First of all, you should know I’m biased toward Fitzgerald’s writing style, but Gatsby is written in the first person from the perspective of Nick Carraway. He’s standing in the background describing what he’s seeing in this particular scene. The focus isn’t on him, and he describes the people in this paragraph in the same manner as he describes the objects because it’s all part of the same image. In the last sentence, Fitzgerald uses the active voice, which seems to indicate that the women are no longer just objects in the room but are becoming characters. Sure, that may be overanalyzing it, but the language itself is vibrant and has a heartbeat to it, and the command of metaphor is superb. All of that is what makes the style so good, active voice and passive.

Side note: For the sake of readers everywhere, please do not open your story in the passive voice. We want to see something in focus! 

6) Use the right analogy.

“The greatest thing by far is to have a command of metaphor. This alone cannot be imparted by another; it is the mark of genius, for to make good metaphors implies an eye for resemblances.” - Aristotle

The purpose of an analogy is to create word picture that will illustrate to your readers exactly what you’re trying to say. This is an especially useful tool if you’re trying to say something that’s hard to describe or would otherwise be longwinded and convoluted.

So basically, the point of a metaphor or simile is to clarify and condense. You know you’re not using the right analogy when it fails to accomplish those things. When a metaphor goes really bad, it will have the opposite affect and cause your readers to stop thinking about your story altogether because their mind is now thinking about how bad your metaphor is and what on earth possessed you to use it in the first place.

As a rule of thumb, don’t use an analogy you’ve ever seen before, and definitely don’t use one that you think might be reaching too far. If it doesn’t aid in the reader’s understanding of your story, it’s subtracting from it, and you’re better off without any analogy at all.  

Bad metaphor: Her blood turned to slush.

My mind couldn’t move on after reading this (I don’t remember the book, but I remember the terrible metaphor) because I was thinking, “The last time I checked, the human body pumps blood at 98.6 degrees, so she'd be dead if her blood actually turned to slush. This doesn’t make any sense. Dang, and I could really go for an Icee right now.”

See the problem? If I'm thinking about Icees, I'm not still thinking about the story, and that’s the opposite of what you want to happen. You want your metaphor to further pull your reader into your story, not push their mind away from it.

Good metaphor: He compelled me from the room as though he were moving a checker to another square.

When I read this the first time in The Great Gatsby, I distinctly remember thinking, “Yeah, I know exactly what that must feel like.” And then I eagerly kept reading. That’s the affect you want your analogy to have.

Side note: Also for the sake of readers everywhere, please do not open your story with a metaphor. I don’t care how great it is, we are not ready. We need to become invested first, so just hold off for most or all of the first chapter and worry about getting us to care about your story before you wow us with effects.

7) “Said” and “asked” are the only two dialogue tags you need.

“Never use a verb other than ‘said’ to carry dialogue. Never use an adverb to modify the verb ‘said’ … he admonished gravely.” – Elmore Leonard

Dialogue tags should be used for clarity only. Ask yourself, “Can a reader tell who said that without a dialogue tag?” If the answer is yes, you don’t need to use one. Some people may disagree with this, but I will refer you back to points one and two.

Hold on, though. Let’s say, for example, you want to indicate that a character is saying something sarcastically. How do you indicate that without a dialogue tag? With action, of course. Here’s an example:

Don’t: “Oh sure, I love the way you ‘baked the cake!’” she yelled sarcastically.

Do: “Oh sure, I love the way you ‘baked the cake.’” She added air quotes for sarcastic emphasis.

Side note: Please don’t use exclamation points unless they are absolutely necessary to convey your meaning, which is almost never. Or maybe actually never. You get the point.

8) Don’t try too hard. 

By that, I mean don’t come on that you’re trying at all. Good style is invisible, transparently providing the medium by which you are transferring your story into your readers’ minds. If they stop and think about it, you’re not successfully doing your job.

“There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic.” – Diane Setterfield

Nathaniel Hawthorne also said, “Easy reading is damn hard writing.” It certainly is, but you shouldn’t let on that it is. That doesn’t make for easy reading.

9) Write from the point of view of the character who has the most to lose. 

“Before you begin to write a sentence, imagine the scene you want to paint with your words. Imagine that you are the character and feel what the character feels. Smell what the character smells, and hear with that character’s ears. For an instant, before you begin to write, see and feel what you want the reader to see and feel.” – Othello Bach

If you do this, I think you’ll find the words coming to you before you even start writing. It goes back to having something to say in the first place. If you’re having trouble with style, there may be a problem with the story itself. It’s hard to write interestingly about someone with nothing to lose or nothing at stake.

It may also be difficult if your character isn’t very interesting. Or maybe you just aren’t close enough to the character. Try writing in the first person. Maybe the first person isn’t right for your story, but do it anyway. Practice at it a while and see what happens. Sometimes switching to the first person is all it takes to liven up your style because it brings you closer to the mind of your character, and their attitude starts to come out in your writing style itself.

10) Go with your gut. 

Naturally, the best way to enhance your gut instinct is to read a lot—good and bad.

“Learning to write sound, interesting, sometimes elegant prose is the work of a lifetime. The only way I know to do it is to read a vast deal of the best writing available, prose and poetry, with keen attention and find a way to make use of this reading in one’s own writing.” – Joseph Epstein

Take the time to study what you love as much as what you hate so you’ll understand why. It’s important to know the reason behind what makes prose sing and what makes it screech. Once you do, when you notice that your own writing feels a bit off, it won’t be hard to figure out what’s going wrong and know how to fix it. Don’t worry; you will get there!

I also suggest keeping a notebook or digital file of writing you find especially captivating, whether it’s entire paragraphs from Gatsby, descriptions and metaphors you find particularly compelling, or just a list of words and names you like and want to use later. The more you collect, the bigger the arsenal you’ll have at your disposal. Always keep writing, putting that arsenal to use as often as possible.

“Eventually you won’t be thinking about style very much at all. Style will be a word that other people use to describe words that have come to you, and words you have spent time seeking to make your characters live their visible and invisible lives.” – John Casey

To further your education, I highly suggest reading and studying both The Elements of Style by E. B. White and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. (Like you didn’t see that coming.) You can read both online for free.

Elements of Style:…
Gatsby:… &…

I tried to write this article in a way that could be understood by everyone, even beginners, without insulting anyone’s intelligence. I apologize if I did not succeed, so please don’t hesitate to ask if you have questions or would like me to explain or clarify something.

You have my permission to distribute this around the web or IRL at will. Credit is appreciated, but it's not strictly enforced. My other writing articles can be found here:…

This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals—sounds that say listen to this, it is important.
— Gary Provost

Add a Comment:
tmwillson3 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You bring up a lot of good points, many of which I remember from my English class in high school. It's nice to see a refresher :-)

I can see certain things being useful. I'm not trying to write a novel, but I still want the fanfic I write to be interesting to read and worth the readers' time. I know my greatest sin is being verbose. It happened in high school, and it's still the case now. I'm not concise, and my pacing needs helps. Practicing what you suggest is more difficult, but I'll definitely keep this in mind the future. Thanks for writing this! :-)
illuminara Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's amazing how much you can learn in high school if you pay attention! lol Sadly, most people don't or saw no need for the information at the time. Which is why I think the standard public education model of learning everything out of context is ridiculous, but I'll spare you that soap box. :XD:

Fan fiction, novel, short story, screen play--good writing is good writing no matter what form it takes. :aww: I think way too many people get caught up in that and think there's some kind of mystical divide, but there isn't. That's what makes stories so awesome--you can tell them a thousand ways, but they're just as powerful any way you tell them. Anyhow, being verbose is a common problem I think. Anton Chekhov said, “Brevity is the sister of talent.” Like anything worth doing, it takes practice and effort. It gets easier though!

Good luck with all your writing endeavors!
ileanawhiteshade912 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for writing this. Indeed, it will be a huge help to aspiring authors about to take wing and fly, including me. I have been writing for about three or four years, and I must say, I've learned more in this single tutorial than what I've learnt in those four years--but then again, I was a self-thought writer.
Back on topic, I love this tutorial very much, and I absolutely love the inspiring quotations you put in them. Once again, thank you for writing this!
illuminara Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: Thanks! I'm so glad you found it useful! I'm also 100% self-taught, and this is basically a list of all the things I had to learn the hard way and wish I'd known ten years ago when I first started out, haha.
AsjJohnson Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Hm, ever since hearing not to use more words than needed, it’s bothered me. I think I have a lot of problems with that. I can say, “I want this to happen” and it’s over in one sentence, or I could have it happen in a paragraph, half a page, or maybe two pages. But, the thing is, I wanted it to happen in 20 pages. I could just start typing dialogue, and write the reactions and responses that pop up in my head, or when there’s not much character interaction, I might start getting repetitive about what a character is thinking and what they’re trying to do. It uses up space, but it’s not quite right. But, when I try not to add in unnecessary things, I usually end up just not being able to write, because almost everything is unnecessary. My goal is usually to take as long as I can to say something.

...I also have issues with verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Like, if I want to say how someone ran, I tend to not be able to find a good verb to describe it. I know there’s all these words like canter, sprint, and stuff, but I don’t quite know their exact meaning and I have to assume there’d be other people who wouldn’t know, either. Plus, just the way some words sound, they wouldn’t sound ‘right’ to me, like, it doesn’t quite fit the mood and the emotion behind the action.

I guess I write in passive voice kind of often, but I always have a reason for having done it if I look back. It seems silly to change it to active voice when the subject of the sentence is being acted on. Like if I’m talking about a bag of money exchanging hands, the bag isn’t doing anything. If I switch to active voice there, then I would switch the subject of the sentence and the bag would no longer be the what I’m talking about. If I switch the subject to the hand doing the switching of the money, then I’m not looking at the bag anymore, but that mysterious hand. And if I’m talking about the main or point of view character being helpless in a situation, it would be odd to quit talking about him and instead start talking about his attacker. But I think a lot of people would just think I’m silly for thinking it would change the meaning to switch the subject. It doesn’t really, but it’s just the way I pictured it happening in my head.

With the fat men example, I kind of like the first verb being passive, since it hints that the narrator isn’t out there with them. The first version sounds like the narrator is standing pretty far away and sees more of the scene but is detached. He probably can’t quite hear what they’re yelling. In the second version, he’s closer to them.
He’s quite a ways from the tent in the first version, seeing both the tent, as well as them standing a little away from it, and in the second, he’s either outside the tent with them or is in the tent but not far from them. In the second one, he would need to look around to see all that stuff, while he wouldn’t need to in the first because it‘s all in his field of vision. Though, he does see the portrait clearly, and it sounds like he can see brush marks from a hand-done paint job on the bus (it having been painted green isn’t even mentioned in the second version, just that it is green). So I suppose that kind of gives a conflicting image of how far away he is. Unless it was said before that part that he’s close to them, so then he would just very bored and doesn’t care a thing about them, just that he has nothing else to do but watch. (which means the readers would feel kind of bored and not care about the scene happening in front of him, either) Oh, also, in the first, it tends to sound, to me, like the driver of the bus is inching forward (and left the engine running), while in the second, it's the bus that's inching forward (presumably with the driver still in it).

Some of this sounds familiar. I wonder if I've read it, and possibly commented about some things, before. But I didn't notice a comment by me below it, so perhaps not...

The top things kind of want to give me a headache, since I have trouble with those things, while the bottom things seem more likely to inspire me.

Raixander Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013
Love this article!
It's enjoyable to read and so inspiring.

Well, to put it into's a different matter for me. But I'm  happy to read this. 
No time has been wasted :-)
illuminara Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: Thanks! And good luck with your future writing! :dance:
CocoaBird Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for this! I love reading guides. When I read them, it feels as if I can set off on the next chapter of my story with sturdier steps. I'm keeping this.
illuminara Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: I'm glad to hear it. Good luck!
CocoaBird Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Add a Comment: